ok so its day 5, i did have some lettuce last nite but im just going to keep going as day 5.
question though, i will be drinking tonight-vodka so sud i eat something and if so what?


love xxx

ok so im in the middle of exams and my mum KEEPS going on at me 2 eat so she made me a salad for dinner which she SWEARS has 150 cals but i just want to check with you guys cz i dont believe er and it wont tell me online!

in it there was a small can of tuna and juice of 1/2 a lemon as dressing, 2 mini peppers, about a handful of lettuce, 1/2 an onion, 1/4 of an apple and 1 tomato

could you please tell me how many cals r REALLy in that cz i am FREAKING you!! haha!!

hope your all doing well

much love

xxx


 (food is whited out!)
x

ive just turned 15 and look at myself...i am fat and ugly and unworthy of any thing that i get, the only thing im good at is this...and im not even good at it my friends all beat me.

im sucha failure
AHHH

c w = 138
gw1= 130
gw2= 120 
gw3 = 110
gw4 = 99
gw 5= 90
gw 6 = 88
gw 7 = 84 or 86 

im undecided

its a long way to go...
x

it was all going well until 6 o clock when my mum came in to tell me that my friend- who has been out of school since easter and nobody knew why is now in hospital.
my mum told me that she is dying and even though her parents wanted to keep her anorexia a secret until now wanted her friends to be with her just in case she died.
according to my mum shes been a "secret" anorexic for a year even though she didnt look TOO skinny.
i was devastated, i cried and cried. she is my best friend but i havent talked to her since easter, her parents have told me that she shut herself off from absolutly everyone.

i think i triggered her anorexia...a year and a half ago i told her i was bulimic after she kinda found out, but then instead of being angry or upset she asked me how to do it...and i showed her.

if she dies now i know its my fault all of this happened, i cant handle any of this anymore.

after my mum told me i went down stairs and ate 2 and a 1/2 tubs of 5 cal jelly and 1/3 of a mango ( 36cals) and a pepsi maxx (1) cause i told i was going to collapse!

so thats 49 cals 2day, i know i should stop this but i cant...this should be a wake up call, but it isnt.

i hate my self, i know she probably hates me, everyone does...

xxx

had exams 2day ...AHHHH

i had lik 30 cals of fruit 4 breakfast
green tea for lunch and 5 pices of gum (7)
and wen i got home i had 1/2 a melon (20)  and lik 50 cals worth of strawberries and 1/2 a nectarine (30)

so today so far its 137 and im full
THATS A LOaD OF SHIT

ahhh i hate myself y am i such a fucking pig?
any tips on wat to eat NOT to make urself fat during exams?
xx